Dear Spidey*,
I have asked you numerous times to go outside, and return to nature.
I have also told you, and I have pointed at the window. No co-operation from you.
I don’t want to hear your reasoning.
What did spiders like you do before houses, may I ask?
Yes, I know it is fun terrifying me. I can appreciate that.
You know, if only you could stay completely still, I could live with you. It is those rhythmic legs that make me shiver.
You are too fast.
You make me act like a horse with the ‘wind up’ them. All rolling eyes and squeals and side-stepping.
It is not good for my self-image.
Remember our stand-off in the middle of the night a few weeks ago?
I am sure you know you scare me, Spidey.
You looked at me very defiantly, and then sat on the ceiling over my bed.
I slept on the couch. Do you remember that?
I went away for a few days, and when I came back, I saw an empty looking curled up spider on the floor. I thought it was you Spidey, and I felt sad. No, I really did. OK, I was a little relieved to be honest, but saddened by such an untimely death for an active , seemingly young spider, like youself. You had been doing laps of the ceiling before I left, and your death made me think about mortality. Springing with life one day, young and slick, the next, not so much.
Well, life had got back to normal (well, what passes for normal) until this morning, when you emerged from the wardrobe, as bold as brass, jaunty even.
The same wardrobe I had just been re-arranging the evening before. Thank-you Spidey. Thank-you very much.
Where had you been while I was feeling around in the wardrobe? I hate to think.
Anyway, I should get to the point of this letter. You have taken a number of steps too far today, matey. On your first day back, you have done something from which we cannot return. Yes, you know very well that you have. You walked across the wall, to the bed, and climbed down beside my pillow, and sat there, oblivious to my protestations.
You sat on my bed, Spidey! Right where I sleep. If you had kept to the ceiling, who knows? But not this.
That is it, Spidey. You and I are through. Tonight, the chief spider catcher will be releasing you as far down the backyard as is humanly possible, and I truly hope that it isn’t true that you ‘home’.
Signed,
Your Ex-housemate
P.s. I wish I could find you cute. I wish I could see what others see in you. I really do.
In fact, I better just pause to look up now. No, it’s clear. For once. But where have you got to now, you blighter?
P.P.S. G it doesn’t help if you rename him Smiley.
*Spidey is a mid-sized huntsman spider.
Lol! A formal eviction notice. That octopod doesn’t have a leg to stand on now.
Having first heard about huntsmen from Tony the Tasmanian, I assumed they were Australian spiders. Your link, though, shows them covering most of the world! They are NOT, according to that map, in Canada. Or Norway. Or Saudi Arabia. (???)
This must be Spider Season down your way, though, is it? Jayne also posted about spiders in her home, on the 23rd.
Hi lavenderbay,
Oh yes, I think this is prime spider season, or it seems to me that these huntsmen are active in houses in warmer weather. I read somewhere that they can live for 2 years, so I suppose they hang out outside when the insect populations decrease. I was surprised how widely they were spread too. These spiders seem Australian – they are very much a part of Aussie culture. In this house, this is the first huntsman I have seen in a few years, so I thought I was safe, ha ha. I think he is a banded huntsman, so he has plenty of growing to do.
They were ‘exported’ to NZ a while back by accident on a shipment of timber and were labelled the Avondale Spider there.
It’s the hairy legs, I reckon they’re as scrawny as a Daddy Long Legs (and just as harmless looking) under their hairy fur coat!
I think they’re more active in the warmer season as it suits them plus it’s been a bumper wet summer producing bazillions of tonnes of insects to feed the blighters.
Hi Jayne,
I bet NZ was thrilled to bits when they arrived! Very interesting info. They do know how to get around. Lol, yes, so true about the hairyness. Dog hair – nice, spider hair arghhh. I am hard-wired to find them terrifying. I admire those who are happy enough to co-exist with them. Hasn’t there been a lot insects? I have never seen so many dragonflies, as I have this year. Great big jumbo-jet dragons. At least they are a pleasure. This is also the first time I have noticed so many orb spiders in the backyard, with anchor lines for their webs like rope.
Hope you were able to trap him as I doubt he obeyed your eviction notice. Spiders tend to ignore such threats.
Hi Binky,
Yes, spiders aren’t particularly obedient. It is tricky catching huntsmen, as they are so fast. He was caught with a container and a piece of paper carefully slid underneath. I was watching from afar, not doing the catching.
Can’t stand spiders… the ones we have here are harmless but the way they move still creeps me out!